A Not So Social + Guy

So I am finally getting a hang of this blogging thing.  I find it so cool that people are reading.  It seriously means so much to me. A few days ago I was having a conversation with a father like figure of mines (I call him my gay father) and he asked me where my facebook went.  He was under

the impression that I went on a blocking spree and he was a victim of it.  It was actually much deeper and pressing issue than just me wanting to remove people from my life.  When I found out I was HIV Positive I did something that I still regret to this day.  I told a person who I will call “Ron,” about my new diagnosis.  Well this spread like wildfire across the social media spectrum and the rumors began to start shortly after.  I began to receive so many messages asking if there was anything that I wants to say or if I was going to die from AIDS.  I was so shocked to hear such accusations that I began to panic and stress myself out; however,  I tried to not let it get to me.

The situation that really threw me over the edge took place on Facebook one evening on February 4, 2011.  I got home and loaded up my Facebook and found something that looked strange coming from someone who I considered my friend’s profile.  I notice one picture that turned out to be a needle in his arm

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and what looked like blood going into a tube.  Another picture showed results of a HIV test that showed negative.  Now the next statement is what still keeps me fearful from social media to this day.  Shockingly I read his status that said something to the effect of there being diseased people with AIDS around him who will do nothing but infect everyone around him.  The status continued to say that people who were dying and spreading their AIDS was not welcome with his friends.  At that point I was literally sitting there with my mouth wide open, so surprised that my secret was finally out, maybe not with my name attached but still exposed enough to want to hide away under a rock.

At that point I blocked the guy who said those harmful things and anyone closely associated with him.  I felt so naked and lost but ended up deactivating my Facebook page.  Minutes later I noticed that people on my twitter were talking about my posted pictures and saying that I looked like an alien.  Those twitter comments may not have been related to HIV however it hurt me so much that people were saying such mean things to me, a person who minded his own business and really stayed to himself.  At that point I told myself I was over it and decided to completely pull away from social media.

My excuse?  Well it was simply that I was becoming too obsessed with social media and it was absorbing my life.  Yes, that was true but if I was not called out I would still be an active user giving my friends and follower about my day-to-day and minute-by-minute commentary.  Things definitely have changed for the better.  The time off really gave me time to really grow as an individual.  I have become stronger.  I have reached a point in my life where I am more confident with myself and honestly I just don’t care about the negative things people have to say about me.  When I was a kid my parents always used to tell me that for every action there is an equal but opposite reaction.  So as an adult and as a mature individual I take full responsibility for my actions  and the results of them.  I am proud to say that I am a gay black male who is HIV positive.  Like I always say being HIV positive is a double-edged sword.  The great thing about my condition is that I finally have more appreciation for life, my health, and my friends/family who love me to death.

So due to this overwhelming growth and confidence, this HIV positive guy has finally made the decision to return to social media.  I will return and talk about my experiences and no longer be afraid of what people think and say.  Through my life I have come to realize that words can equate the same feeling of being stabbed in the heart or just feeling plain worthless.  Negative words and put downs seriously suck; however, I have come to realize the importance of being stronger than such verbage.  If I can say anything to my readers it would be to stay strong and to never let hurtful words put you down.  We all go through ups in downs in life however life is seriously an epic journey with the goal of making it to the end alive and with great experiences to pass on to others.

In 2013 I strive to be more goal oriented and to let people know that I am just a regular guy living a quite so positive life.  Social media.. look out here I come…

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