Every Beginning Has An Ending

So for the past couple of weeks I have come down sick.  At first my nose was running, which made me think it was just allergies or something.  Well two weeks later I am sitting here not able to breathe and dealing with a lung infection.  For me it is so strange and I can only attribute it to my HIV.  Before I would feel like I was coming on with a cold and  take some vitamins and a DayQuil and wake up the next day at 100 percent.  I tried the same remedy this time around and I woke up the next day feeling worse.

You see I don’t have the same immune system like I had before.  It has been severely compromised.  My T-Cell count was 116 when I was diagnosed.  Thank God I am at 240 and with an undetectable viral load to this day; however, a normal CD4 count in other negative individuals can be up in the thousands (usually between 800-1400 but average around 800-900).  So I went to my doctors office at Whitman Walker , which is apart of my four week check-in for the clinical trial  I am on (cobicistat), to give some blood for some tests to be run (which check my CD4 count, Viral Load, sugar levels, kidney function, and cholesterol).  They take about five vials of blood and it is quick and easy (I as well as many other HIV Positive people quickly get used to this part).  They take your vitals and ask you questions like when did you last take your medication and how you are feeling.  At this point I tell her how I was not feeling well and she told me to mention that to the physician that was scheduled to see me.  So to fast forward I saw the doctor and had my physical.  Also, I was told that my lungs were indeed infected.  So I was prescribed some medication and sent along my way.  Now for the next few days I am stuck taking multiple pills (2 Prezistas, 1Truvada, 1 Cobicistat, 1/2 Zpac/Antibiotic, 1 Pill to help with coughing, 1 vitamin) which really is not a big deal (one would think it would depress however not so much on my end).  Image

I guess I always fear that I will relapse and end up sick like I was when I was first diagnosed. The fear that my medical regiment to keep HiV at bay will not work is something that is always visibly clear in the back of my head.  I know that in life everyone goes through something rather it is financial, emotional, physically, etc. The bigger picture is that we all have our flaws but how we work to overcome these short comings or life changes is what really matters.

Even as a child I equated life to something similar as  “The Circle of Life.”  We are always out of something, about to go through something, in something, or just getting out of something.  This is a continuous cycle that never ends.  A phase may stall or take longer but it will continue at some point.  WIth all the good and the bad that has come with being positive I have become fixated more on instant gratification.  I want to do so much before the end of my time; however, I truly struggle slowing it down.

Regardless if we are rich, poor, healthy, sick, black, white, gay, straight, or whatever comparison you want to give we will all meet our maker at the end of the day (some later than others).  So all good things must come to an end.


1 Comment

  1. December 23, 2012 at 5:07 pm · Reply

    Brilliant sir. Thanks for all you do. Lots of people you don’t even know will be helped!

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