So since I was a child my parents always had a saying. “For every action there is a reaction,” was something that they use to tell me before I got my rear end tore up due to a million and one things I did wrong. I never truly understood that phrase and what it meant until I reached adulthood. As a child I thought that my actions would never come back to haunt me nor would I ever be affected by them. I was definitely wrong to think that.
Nowadays I can honestly say that my past is quite tainted. I am for sure not perfection in any form and way. I think our lack of perfection is something that makes us special; however, with the things in my closet I am pretty sure that a run for President or any major public office is not in my near future as of right now. As I have said before, life is about living and experiencing and if we live with no incidents, tragedies, or being in bad or compromising situations we are not living like we should. Personally, I would rather vote for a President who has been through life and knows about struggle and has learned from past messy behavior. Look at Wendy Williams… if you like her or not you have to give her credit where it is due. She has dealt with substance and relationship abuse in her past and also her ability to get the scoop or “T,” on anyone; however, now she is on a globally syndicated talk show, has had a very successful radio career, and is expanding in other endeavors. Again, put aside if you like her or not and just appreciate where she came from and where she is now.
To me there is something about imperfection that is attractive. In some cases it sucks that as a 24 year old I still hear others talking about my past in the background. If it was not for the mess I went through in the past I would not be the strong person I am today. Experiencing pain really does strengthen you mentally.
So with all of that said let’s get to the point of this blog entry…. Over the past year I took a look at who I was as a person and where I wanted to be. I found the strength over 2012 to truly look into myself and discover who I am and what a gay and HIV positive life will look like in the future. I came to terms with everything I have gone through and what I expect to go through in the future. I came to terms with everything I have gone through and what I expect to go through in the future. You see I know that life in general is not easy so I really do not expect it to be a cakewalk being gay and poz.
For the many people that truly know me hey know that I am not an outspoken about my religious views; however I will now tell you how I feel. I feel like God gives each and every one of us a purpose in life. He never places us into a battle in which we cannot overcome. On January 26th, 2013 I made the decision after finding myself to come out publicly about my HIV status. This decision to be honestly came from me being tired of hiding. I was annoyed by people texting and asking me if I had AIDS and was going to die. I felt so misunderstood and was simply ready to set the record straight. With my action to come out of the closet again I knew that a reaction would take place and I was not far from the truth. A few days after I received a phone call while I was at work and it was my mother. After catching up she asked me about the blog and her and my dad alerting me that they were beginning to receive phone calls asking about my blog, YouTube, video and overall health. SNAPPP, with me being all spontaneous and fast acting I forgot to give them the heads up. They definitely were not happy with me. I apologized and truly understood where they were coming from. I did for a while felt very defeated. Everything I do is with the intention of making myself happy but more importantly making my parents proud. I felt like I had hit a wall and for the second time I considered dropping everything and disappearing again. Talking with my camp (close friends who are truly there) they gave me the strength to stay focus and to remain in the fight. I was reminded that there are always going to be haters out there and seeing that I took the step to make it public it is too late to try to hide.
With that said. It is a shame that family members have gone behind my back and to my parents to question them about something so sensitive. Imagine how you would feel if your child was dealing with something and you were helpless and could not be super-mom/dad and save the day. My parents deserve the parents of 2012 award for their strength to overcome so much negativity. Although they have gotten over the hurdle it is still a very sensitive and emotionally raw subject. Please, come to the source if you have questions. It boggles my mind why people think it was smart to call my parents. If you ask me I think it was to start trouble. Be smart, if you have questions come to me because I will be more than willing to answer all your questions. After giving it a day my parents and I are back on better terms and I told them that they did not have to tell anyone anything they did not feel comfortable talking about. They know to give my number to any family member calling and direct them to come right to the source.
So far so good! I have had so much support form the community and friends. It feels so good to know that what I am doing is making a difference. You have no idea how fulfilling it is to receive an email or Facebook message telling me how my video or blog posts are making a difference. We all go through tough times but the most important thing is how we overcome the difficulties to learn, gain experience/miles, and grow.