So over the weekend I was engaged with a group on what is the definition of masculine and feminine and why it is important.
I am going to be honest with you, I do not identify as either masculine nor feminine because I am just who I am and labels cannot define me. I am just a normal as can be
24-year-old guy who likes reality television, sports, the outdoors, fashion, interior decorating, eating (who doesn’t like to eat), exercising (body has to be right), go out with friends to the club/bar/lounge, spend time with family, work on my education, work with NOVAM (The prevention collective), and play my Play Station 3 /Xbox 360. Well actually as a gay man I do love my Rupaul’s Drag Race and Housewives Franchises (not a huge fan of purses or handbags but because I am comfortable with my sexuality I am not ashamed of holding my best friend’s purse). So if liking makeup, wigs, pumps, drag queens, and trash reality TV makes me feminine then what has the world come to? Why is it that in the SGL (same gender loving) male community masculinity is so important? I think that it is so hard particularly in the black community where we have come so far from segregation and separation how we continue to do just that to this day by making our sub-culture so much smaller.
Personally in regards to dating I am all about equal opportunity. I am not going to lie I do have preferences and “nonnegotiables” (things that would automatically get you disqualified from dating me are no purpose in life, negativity, rudeness, and lack of home training), but I would give anyone regardless of differences a chance. I am not the guy who says no fats, no fems, and no old heads. By placing ourselves in situations where we close ourselves up to only wanting particular mates we close our potential dating pool so much smaller. Imagine this, me wanting the following: Masculine, black, faithful, above 6 ft., athletic, less than 170 pounds, educated, drives, is younger than 30, and HIV positive or poz friendly. I took an already limited dating pool and made it that much more problematic to find someone.
Why not try this, how about going forward we step outside our usual comfort zone and open our minds and hearts up at the possibility of dating someone who is feminine. So what if the person wears makeup and is giving us Ms. Lawrence from Housewives of Atlanta? In the end that may be just the person you need that will hold you down, be faithful, and love you unconditionally. Labels are just that… and by being so attached to them it only makes it much more difficult to find true love or companionship. As a lifestyle we only make it harder to show how loving and accepting of ourselves we can be (we can’t be upset at current social norms that are fearful or disagreeing with our lifestyle if we cannot truly accept our own people).
So my challenge to you the very picky, judgmental, materialistic, and overall individual who cannot look beyond a fishy walk or high picked voice is to put those things aside to see if I am right to some extent.