My Letter to HIV

Thebody.com a while back had a project in which it was asking HIV positive individuals or someone who was affected by the virus to write a letter to it.  Below is my letter that will be including in a book that is due to come out with other entries relating to HIV/AIDS.  The book is called, Cornbread, Fish and Collard Greens: Prayers, Poems & Affirmation for People Living withHIV/AIDS. You can view the original letter on thebody.com here. I am very happy that I was included on this project, so without further interruptions please read my piece.

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Dear HIV,

I truly do not believe we have properly and officially been introduced to each other.    Well my name is Patrick. Do you want to know a little more about me? I am a twenty-three year old black gay male. I was born to a middle class military family, whose values and faith in God shaped me into the great person I am today. I traveled the world with my family and gained great knowledge in other countries and cultures. I love sports, politics, beaches, spending times with my family and friends, and the great cities of Delta Junction Alaska, Hampton Virginia, Arlington Virginia, and the District of Columbia. I have to admit that since you have come into my life you have shattered it into one million pieces. I first heard about you in middle school and began to meet with people who were affected by you during high school. There was never any fear of you because I figured you could be controlled by popping a pill once a day. Well, I can tell you now that today that thought was ill conceived.

 

It was December first 2011, World Aids Day, and I had a gut feeling that something was up. After watching a couple of minutes of a conference on the AIDS epidemic online I fought up enough strength to make the decision to go get tested. I knew that if I didn’t go that morning that I would be in denial and refuse to seek help for the rest of my life. I won’t go into details now; however, by the afternoon I was told I was HIV Positive. So fast-forward to now and three months later I am still struggling with you emotionally, physically, and psychologically. I have never really used the word hate, but I can say that even with God’s will … I still hate you. Ms. Thing you have made my foundation crack and even made the two individuals who brought me into this world go into a state of hysteria and fear because they thought they were going to lose their youngest child… their baby…

 

Thank God the significant other is negative because I would not know how to deal with myself… this is my problem not anyone else’s. I hate that you can be within people whom we trust in marriages or relationships yet are unaware of their infidelities and actions. I hate that you lie within people who are not responsible enough to take care of themselves and protect others. I hate that your primary mission to basically seek and destroy would be successful if it wasn’t for advances in medicine. You make it difficult for me to even get out of bed some mornings. You have invaded my temple and threatened to destroy it. Taking four pills a day sucks but it keeps you in check. I am fearful and paranoid that I will forget my scheduled dose or be affected health-wise in the long term. You had even at one point shattered my wildest dream.

 

HIV you may think that because I am down at the moment that I am out for the count. I will not be beaten and I will continue to stand strong and to remain as positive as possible. I will admit that some days are tough; however, I know that in the end I will win. I will beat you.  Every day is getting better and I can honestly say you are a wakeup call. I have grown closer to my family, faith, and true goals in life. I pray that one day you have an intruder, and unexpected visitor called a cure, who will give you absolute hell. Until then I will act as an alarm company warning people and arming them with the right equipment and knowledge to keep you out of their temples for good.

 

With victory in sight and ever so positive outlooks on life,

Patrick

5 Comments

  1. January 23, 2013 at 1:46 am · Reply

    Excellent blog. I love how you ended it: “With victory in sight and ever so positive outlooks on life…”

  2. January 23, 2013 at 6:24 am · Reply

    Awesome. Beautiful. One of my friends shared this on my timeline on FB, and I just happened to stumble across it. Keep your head up, babe! You’re inspiring! =)

  3. January 27, 2013 at 12:13 pm · Reply

    I have been watching your blogs and YouTube…not sure if you remember me from Phoebus…
    But you are a encouragement!
    You are brave and you let your light shine in your darkest hours.
    God bless you . I will continue to follow your journey!

  4. January 27, 2013 at 8:03 pm · Reply

    PUSH

  5. Yvonne Salem
    January 29, 2013 at 12:45 pm · Reply

    Please watch the documentary called, “House of Numbers”, “The Emperor’s New Virus” and “The Greatest Medical Fraud in History – The Pain, Profit and Politics of AIDS” all available on YouTube. Please be careful with the meds! The meds killed my father… not HIV or AIDS. Be well!

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